Photo Credit: Ron MacLeod
She arrived in all her fiery glory 17 days ago. She first RAGED hand in hand with her brother, the WIND, Kamakani. Starting in Ojai, then blazing down the hill to Santa Paula and Ventura. Kamakani has calmed down a bit, while the Fire Goddess continues her destructive path west without him.
My friend Rhonda shared with me that 2017 is~ The Year of The Fire Phoenix... Aka the Rooster...
Phoenix is brilliant, inspirational, and a fearless visionary rising up from the ashes.
Fire brings strength, passion and bravery.
The Fire Phoenix year is a time for healing, rebirth and transformation.
Whether she directly touches our lives with her flame, or whether she touches us indirectly, her mission is to transform.
She is working hard to transform us here in Santa Barbara...She's brutally assaulting our paradise here, polluting our beautiful clean air with remnants of homes and scrub brush turned to ash and invisible toxic particles making it a necessity to wear masks whenever we go outside. If we choose to stay in town we feel imprisoned indoors. She incites fear with the very sight of her, in a picture on FB, or footage of burned out homes, or through a story we heard. And especially, seeing her, close up in real time...
While watching live feed of the whirling flames the other night, Te Ka ( meaning "The Burning One" in Maori ) from the movie Moana appeared in my mind, and how she slithered about on that island, angrily hurling fireballs with perfect aim to destroy. She is ALIVE and like a wild animal, out of control...
In the Fire Goddess' presence, we must swiftly focus on our lives in ways that we normally don't. We must make decisions that we know will affect us forever... What is important enough to take with us? What do I leave behind? Where in my house ARE all these important things that I need?? IT'S ALL IMPORTANT!!!! What do I grab first? Where AM I going?
I see the damage she has inflicted upon others and fear, "Am I next?" " Will this be the last time I see my home?" I've lived in this house for 25 years. I feel unbearable sadness, and gripping fear, though I have to keep my SH*T together... and PACK!!
We are still under voluntary evacuation.
The first things I moved were 11 boxes of photographs, taken over the course of the last 30+ years. Irreplaceable baby pictures of my daughter, and our family... Pictures of my sweet parents who are now both in spirit.
I have a few more loads, but at least I got the pictures out first.
I get notices about how bad and dangerous the air quality is. How you should not run fans, heaters, blowers or the vacuum.. WHAT?? I HAVE TO VACUUM!!! How breathing that smoky air is the equivalent to 30 years of NOT wearing a respirator in a coal mine...
All the neighbors have left in search of blue skies and oxygen!!
I heard of looters trying to rip off the evacuated neighborhoods. Many were caught by police dogs... Hopefully the looters will pause and think of the consequences~since it isn't just about going to jail if you get caught!! It's more like going to the hospital in more pain than you have ever imagined!!
I have barely gone out of the house for 2+ weeks. I wear a mask all the time when I do.
While in my car, the windows are rolled up with no air circulating. I feel sure Ima gonna pass out without my beloved oxygen.
I have NOT danced Hula in about 2 weeks... which means no exercise and worse, no soul therapy... auggghhh!!
Finally, I went to the local health food store and took off my mask so I could inhale their fresh AIR CONDITIONED air ( I never dreamed I would say that EVER!!!! ).
I was in search of some Vit C to help my immune system, since the deficiency of Vit C and this stress, was giving me gnarly headaches. Here I am, trying to pick the right vitamins to help me stay healthy, when I have been breathing the WORST most toxic frickin' air EVER the past 10 days... and there is NOTHING I can do to turn that around...
With that thought I had a meltdown right there in the store. Not to mention the cheesy Christmas carols they were playing ( not even the really GOOD CLASSIC ONES!!! ), that seemed so stupid during this crisis... I cry EVERY year in stores playing Christmas carols, missing my parents...
My heart breaks for the families who have lost loved ones and their precious homes...
I know I am not the only one feeling this way. We are all so connected to each other, how can we NOT feel this???
Christmas brings up so much ( feelings of missing loved ones, missing the innocence and safety, wishing for love and warmth, etc...) as does FIRE... pushing everyone to their absolute emotional limits... the little child in all of us, vulnerable and trying to be strong in this time of emergency... The Emotional Double Whammy!!!
I had intended to start Christmas shopping yet I have only been thinking about the fire...Well, no. I did think," What if I go Xmas shopping and have to evacuate and can't get to the presents??" No shopping.
I have to let go. Let go of feeling bad about not bringing presents and just BE FULLY PRESENT!
Another aspect I have noticed about this awful experience is that I've NOT heard much about politics or people taking sides or ANY of that crap! YAY!!
I LOVE that I am hearing MORE about people pulling together to HELP each other!!!
I am grateful for those who contacted me to make sure we're okay!
I am SO grateful for the Heroic Firefighters!!
Photo Credit: Mama of Kern County FireFighter, Dylan Newell
They have been working non stop for almost 2 weeks now... such devotion!
I am thankful to my Sweetheart, John, who I witnessed selflessly help multiple friends evacuate, watching over their homes, even making sure their koi survived these 2 weeks... He was keenly tuned into everything that was happening and reported everything he knew up to the moment... Providing information that the news didn't. He stayed calm amongst the chaos, while everyone else, including me, was beyond scared and needing answers. He helped more people than he could ever imagine, with his funny live feeds AT THE FIRE with our friend, Harry ( thank you Harry!)... He made lifelong friends with the firefighters from up north defending our friends' home... He truly LOVED and ENJOYED the adrenaline rush of being of service when the rest of the world was falling apart... I have learned a lot more about who he is during this crisis, and the depth of his loyalty. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. In my Heart! <3 I am so sooo grateful... I LOVE YOU, My Moo !!! <3
I accept that this Fire Goddess is transforming my LIFE in a myriad of ways. I honor that she is here and is BLESSING US with her PRESENCE. Scary though she may be, she IS doing her Kuleana ( one's personal sense of responsibility).
Even a Goddess has Kuleana...
Like Te Ka, she will change form. Like the Fire Phoenix she will rise from the ashes.
And Paradise will be restored...
Until the next time...
PS... If you haven't seen Moana, turn off the news and watch it instead!!
It Inspires Paradise on so many levels!!
AND PLEASE do reach out and help those in need WHEREVER you are... so many are suffering now... It has been an intense year for many.
It WILL INSPIRE PARADISE within YOU in incredible ways... And for those you serve!!!
You will see!!
Much Love and ALOHA!!! Nancy
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